If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
