dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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