I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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