I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
