is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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