sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
