I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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