honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He felt like a one man threesome
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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