Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
