im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize