You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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