drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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