if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
