1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
