i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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