My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
