im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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