FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
two words: eviction party
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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