2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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