Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
