I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
