you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
