i already hear my dad disowning me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
