There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
