mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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