I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
In America we eat man semen.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
