I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
