apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize