my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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