Me. At least after what I've been through.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
