he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
