well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
