Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
