You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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