I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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