my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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