Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
