): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
