honey bunches of taint.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
