this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
