dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
