my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize