She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
