I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
