pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
