Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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