All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
