you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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