she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
