I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
