I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
