So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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