no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
