Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
