my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
