I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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