youre lurking in front of me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
