I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Green mimosas i think yes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
