Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
