I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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