her vagine was all disorganized.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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