Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
