whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
