when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
