White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
