Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
